Parker's First Ten Tweets: Evening the Score...

Posted by The Wine Whore |

I was stoked to find out that none other than the famous, or should I say infamous, Robert Parker has joined the world of social media. Since every word that dribbles from his keyboard is sure to be as fine as an aged bottle of Lafite, what better way to welcome him to the world of Twitter than to score his tweets using the following 100 point scale: (look familiar?)

    An extraordinary tweet of profound and complex character displaying all the attributes expected of a classic tweet of its variety. Tweets of this caliber are worth a special effort to read, retweet, and share with others.

    90 - 95:
    An outstanding tweet of exceptional complexity and character. In short, these are terrific tweets.

    80 - 89:
    A barely above average to very good tweet displaying various degrees of finesse and flavor as well as character with no noticeable flaws.

    70 - 79:
    An average tweet with little distinction except that it is a soundly twittered. In essence, a straightforward, innocuous tweet.

    60 - 69:
    A below average tweet containing noticeable deficiencies, such as excessive self promotion and/or false information, arrogance, or possibly dirty name calling.

    50 - 59:
    A tweet deemed to be unacceptable.

Without further adieu, let's get to his tweets:

Twitter updates from Robert M Parker, Jr / RobertMParkerJr:

    10) RobertMParkerJr: Malbec made in Mendoza, Argentina
    Thursday, January 07, 2010 10:46 AM

Come on Parker?! Are you really expecting to rock our world with this piece of wine knowledge? Are you just learning this wine factoid for yourself? This tweet deserves a 75 for lack of any meaningful wine info.

    9) RobertMParkerJr: Jayson Woodbridge is taking his winemaking team and flying them around the world, and actually making wines on site from top quality fruit.
    Thursday, January 07, 2010 10:46 AM

Are they paying you to fly around with them? Better yet, when can we expect your glowing review of their wine? I like informative tweets but this one seems more like a paid advertisement than anything else. This tweet is an 69.

    8) RobertMParkerJr: Layer Cake is the work of Jayson Woodbridge proprietor of Hundred Acres, Napa. his desire to produce $15 wines with taste of $50.seems close
    Thursday, January 07, 2010 10:41 AM

This tweet was imbalanced, dry, and lacking character... I give it a 65.

    7) RobertMParkerJr: Just emailed subscribers-Super Value- Layer Cake 2008 Malbec (91pts) $15. tastes like $50 bottle
    Thursday, January 07, 2010 10:36 AM

Super value? You may have given this wine a 91pt score... but I give you a 50 for this tweet. Not only is it self promoting, but in my opinion, Layer Cake is NOT a 91pt wine... I mean, seriously?! I'd give this tweet a lower score, but I'm using Parker's scale, which for some reason only STARTS at 50.

    6) RobertMParkerJr: RT @AntonioGalloni: new article on Ornellaia vertical is live...1985-2006, all from magnum http://bit.ly/6IWU9v #wine
    Wednesday, January 06, 2010 5:47 PM

You get credit Mr. Parker for a RT. Well played, sir. I score this tweet an 82.

    5) RobertMParkerJr: @nealmartin try Bulldogs...
    Wednesday, January 06, 2010 5:34 PM

If you read back to @nealmartin's thread, you'll find that the question Parker is answer is "Who did you sleep with last night, Mr. Parker?" I give this one a 70... shame on you... say NO to animal love!

    4) RobertMParkerJr: Balt.area?super TRADITIONAL homemade southern Italian food @Vito's Cafe 410-666-3100.BYO had 2003 Clos des Papes with veal parm excellent
    Wednesday, January 06, 2010 10:08 AM

Wow, due to the grammatical errors in this tweet, I can only guess that this was twittered while driving, having sex, or doing something else distracting. Clearly below average... Score of 60.

    3) RobertMParkerJr: Be on the lookout for my next subscriber email blast...
    Tuesday, January 05, 2010 10:07 AM

Oh, okay Mr. Parker... I can't wait for you to SPAM us! While I am anxiously waiting, please enjoy your 60pts for this tweet.

    2) RobertMParkerJr: Check out, "Happy New Year- the past is prologue", post on erobertparker.com Bulletin Board.
    Sunday, January 03, 2010 1:09 PM

Where's the link? Alright, I know this is only your first tweet but come on man, if you are going to promote yourself, at least make it easy to get to the article. 55pts.

    1) RobertMParkerJr: Ok. I'm going to give this a shot. I'm not making any promises about how often or how long I will use it.
    Sunday, January 03, 2010 1:02 PM

Ok, so say you're Robert Parker and you want to announce yourself to the world on Twitter. What would you say? This was actually a great first tweet. I don't say that because there's any promise of good material here. I say it because it offers a glimmer of hope that Parker will soon cancel his twitter account, uninstall Tweetdeck (if by some chance he figured out how to use it in the first place), and resume communicating through his familiar method of Morse code. 85pts.

So there you have it... be sure to check back for my review of the next 10 tweets from the amazing mind of the man himself, Robert Parker.


(This message brought to you by The Wine Whore)

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Related Posts by Categories

Bookmark and Share


drinknectar said...

Randy, this is hilarious. I love the top part as you explain tweeting using the 100 pt scale. It looks Like Mr. Parker needs some twitter lessons. To give him some credit, my first 10 tweets were pretty crappy too (and maybe my last 10).

We'll see if he starts to get social and follow people, retweet and engage.

Josh @nectarwine (twitter stalker)

The Wine Whore said...

LOL! I just like my awesome Photoshop pic at the beginning! :P

Exactly! The point of this post is that people like Parker shouldn't just use tools like twitter, they should use them CORRECTLY! Ok, maybe I got a little carried away in the process, but that's all in good fun!


Sarita, The Wine Gal said...

LMFAO! You're so evil, I'm scared of you

cestbeth said...

Hilarious! They were all so funny, but my favorite comment was, "This tweet was imbalanced, dry, and lacking character... I give it a 65." LOL

Kevin Glowacki said...

All I know is the 2007 Layer Cake Malbec was a train wreck of a wine and Jay Miller doles out 90+ scores like doctors dole out pain pills, but I'm sure the 2008 is at least an improvement since there was nowhere to go but up.

Awesome stuff!

Dean said...

This gets my vote for Blog Entry of 2010 so far! Brilliant stuff Randy! Would say that it had me LOLing uncontrollably but I fear Parker wouldn't understand the terminology of SM l33t!

Again, thanks for the laughs mate! :)

Brian Kirby said...

Hands down, one of my favorite posts.

The Wine Whore said...

LOL! Thank you all for enjoying this one!

Think Parker himself will show up to comment?

Ben Simons said...

Lol, that's awesome! I doubt that Parker will comment here. I don't think that he gives us mere mortals a second thought.

And I love the Robert Failwhale Parker image. All in all I give this post a 98 (I have to leave a little room for higher scores on future posts.)

Richard Auffrey said...

Great work on this very funny and entertaining post! I can't wait for the next installment.

Robert M. Parker, Jr said...

I'd like to clarify tweet #5. I was NOT referring to animal love... I was actually answering the question: "Who would make a better wine writer, a blogger or a bulldog?"

-Robert M. Parker, Jr

The Wine Whore said...

Thank you all for enjoying this one!

I was hoping that the man himself would come by and comment and it look like he has... well played, Mr. Parker! But how do we know this is the REAL Robert Parker?

MVineyards said...

Freaking hilarious. I give it a 100 on your Tweet scale.

Chris said...

Very good post! I was going to be a German Sheppard, but all they know about are wines from Alsace... I am getting a bulldog now... Purly based of Mr Parker's rating of them! :-)

Denise said...

So Funny! Thanks for thinking of this and making good use of the point system! I'm gonna retweet!

foodandwinechickie said...

You're so funny and this post is tops.

Kathleen Rake said...

Thanks for this great Friday-morning read...Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Bob, Can I have my Aussie tasting job back now?


enzo fabio said...

I agree, this a classic blog post in its variety: even more than a classic according to Mr Parker (but there is nothing above 100, as well as nothing below 50); perhaps a classic according to Mr T.S. Eliot. I give it 99.

David said...

good stuff here! and thought he's not an expert tweeter yet, glad to know RP is tweeting!

(I'm @cookingchat)

Tom said...

Wickedly funny. I'd like to follow this Robert Parker fellow, but haven't had any luck finding him with Twitter search.

The Wine Whore said...

You can find Parker on twitter as @RobertMParkerJr

I have to say that I'm a little disappointed not to have see any more tweets from Parker since this post.

I've got an idea!

Dezel said...

ROFL at post & comments :-) Nice one bro! You should invite the man to have a seat on the red sofa :-)

The Wine Whore said...

Thanks! I would love to have him on the sofa, but he'd have to be wearing something appropriate... like a pimp jacket, holding a jewel encrusted goblet, and smoking a stoggie.

Wine On Line said...

Tell it like it is! Nice

Post a Comment