11/24/2009

Template of a Wine Review

Posted by The Wine Whore |


Writing wine reviews can be easy and fun! There's no need to have any wine knowledge at all...
Just use the following template, and you're all set!

    Obligatory Photo:
    Insert lame picture here.

    Disclaimer:
    Of course you didn't pay anything for this wine... and you probably never would have.

    Wine Info:
    Goto Google.com and click the first entry that comes up when you search for the wine being reviewed. Paste EXACTLY what you find here...

    Tasting Notes:
    Here's the part where you pretend to know something about wine. Don't worry, it's easier than it sounds... No need to even use sentences here. Just say "on the nose" or "in the mouth" and choose your favorite words from the following list:
    • pepper
    • leather
    • earth
    • cherry
    • cola
    • spice
    • raspberry
    • black cherry
    • black currant
    • stone fruit
    • blah, blah, blah....

    Summary:
    It's time to get creative. If you absolutely hated the wine, say that it's not your taste but others will LOVE IT! Wine's lacking character? Just tell your readers that it's an "easy drinking wine". The possibilities are endless. Just don't forget, there's no reason why any wine should suck.

... and that's it! That's all you need to know. Don't worry, after countless posts using this format, your readers will never know that you are full of crap. They'll just keep coming back for more! ... sure, keep telling yourself that!


Happy Wine Blogging!




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11 comments:

drinknectar said...

bwahahahahahaha. ROTFLMFAO (rolling on the floor laughing my f'n ass off)

Is this the format you follow? Except the lame photo of course, I love the red couch. I've got to be honest though, I was expecting a sexy lady from the name ;)

The Wine Whore said...

LOL! It's hard sometimes not to fall into a rut where things become monotonous and boring. All I'm sayin' is don't be afraid to shake things up. It's more fun that way!

Cheers!

P.S. Sorry to let you down... I always think it's funny when people think I am a chick just because I go by the name The Wine Whore. Just goes to show how stereotypes are so ingrained.

Kate said...

Awesome. Simply awesome.
*offtoaddstonefruittomylistofwinetastes*

Actually, my recent tasting (which i paid for) was a big bust. But I couldn't bring myself to actually say that in my post. I'm just too nice...for now...

Frank said...

Some one call 911, I think Randy just poached my 'Wine Review Secrets to Success'... oh wait, never mind ... my template is the exact same with the exception of a bottle of Centrum vitamins that I have to have in my photos... ;-)

The Wine Whore said...

ROFL! How could I forget the bottle of Centrum vitamins! Oh well, if you don't have 'em you can always substitute whatever other crap you happen to have just lying around.

Cheers! :)

Fabius said...

Hi, great post :) How would you like to do an open, honest review of one of my wines? and publish all the gory details? ie the complete opposite of what you say in your post above!!!

It's a bit of a risk for me, as if you don't like it I'd get loads of negative publicity! But on the other hand, both of us would be making a statement for openness and honesty, no? (I've been reading posts/articles recently about this dilema). What you say?

The Wine Whore said...

First of all, thank you!

I really respect the fact that you are willing to be open and honest about your wine... that's a good sign which I think many others would respect as well.

Let's do it! How about we taste your wine together on an episode of TWWTV? This way, not only can I honestly taste your wine, but we can also talk about it together.

Cheers!

Fabius said...

That sounds great to me. However, I'm rather new to blogging, twitter, social media in general, and I have to confess that I've no idea what TWWTV is or how to go about tasting and talking about my wine together there!!!! Where can I find out?

The Wine Whore said...

No worries!

Just send me an email (thewinewhore@winewhorin.com) and I can explain.

Cheers!

Fabius said...

OK, I did a Google search and have just seen you in action!!! I like it! I like it! I'll be in touch and we (or you, rather!) can work out the details!!!

The Wine Whore said...

Perfect! :)

Stay tuned folks... I have a feeling that this is going to be a good one!

Cheers!

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