Be Very Afraid...

Posted by The Wine Whore |

To celebrate Friday the 13th Wine Whore style, I've put together a top ten list of scary value wine descriptions. If you ever come across a bottle that costs less than $10 and is described with any of these terms... RUN FAST! Run like Jason or Freddy Krueger was chasing you through a forest, school yard, or whatever other scary place you envision yourself on this Friday the 13th!

Top 10 Value Wine Descriptions to be Very Afraid of
...and what they REALLY mean:

    "Pairs well with food" - Someone please get me something to wash down this horrible taste...

    "Easy drinking" - Is aqua a new type of grape?

    "Delicate" - Flavorless

    "Fruity" - Kool Aid

    "Decant liberally" - ... by pouring down the drain

    "Ready to drink" - Vinegar

    "Intriguing" - As in, I can't believe how horrible it tastes

    "Generous amounts of oak" - Tastes like an oak chest.

    "Notes of minerality" - Metallic finish, no flavor

    "Limited release" - Winery never thought they'd sell a single bottle of this crap.

Happy Friday the 13th!


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Joeshico said...

How about "drinkable" - won't die of food or alcohol poisoning

The Wine Whore said...

LOL! That sounds about right! :)


The Wine Whore said...


Anything I left out?


foodandwinechickie said...

These made me laugh. Will remember these next time I read a wine review ;).

Young tannins - will leave your mouth as dry as a dog with a mouthful of peanut butter.

The Wine Whore said...


Good one! Young tannins?! Does that even have any meaning? :) I like your definition!

Richard Auffrey said...

"Lush"--The only type of person who will enjoy this wine.

The Wine Whore said...

Although I would like to believe in excellent value wine as much as I would like to believe in the Toothfairy, Santa Claus, and someday winning the lottery jackpot, I think that you may be right... well, maybe not the ONLY type of person. :)


VA Wine DIva said...

far too true! very fun and informative at the same time...although when I taste "generous oak" I tend to sum it up as licking a table!

The Wine Whore said...

LOL! The funny thing is that when I first drafted this post, I actually wrote that one as "licking a table". That's too funny!


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